Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
