Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
