I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dick very happy bro
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
