I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
a search helicopter?!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
