were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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