I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
