I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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