she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
