I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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