There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
