you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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