And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
