your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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