Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
