She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
