my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
