Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
