I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Damn victory sex feels great
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
