i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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