And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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