I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
