there's paper in my vomit.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
