My balls are so social today.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
