I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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