By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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