Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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