My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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