Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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