A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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