Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
