3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just pee around me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
