Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
