Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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