at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
