This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
