you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
