The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
