My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
