I murdered the dance floor call the cops
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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