I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
