ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
