whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
