my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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