how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My pussy is not your playground.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
