Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
