Pants 0. Shit 1.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
