Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
