i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
