i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
