See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
