She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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