Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
