When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
