Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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