getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
A bitchslap is in order.
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