dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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